Staten Island in Dragon Warrior III
Posted in New York
It's going to come off as mild lunacy to complain about an 8-bit map of New York's accuracy, but come on. Staten Island is way closer to New Jersey than it is to Brooklyn. We all know that. It's so far away from Manhattan and Brooklyn, in fact, that no MTA train goes there (the SIR doesn't count, thanks so much). It's altogether plausible that the only reason Staten Island is a "borough" is because in the olden times of shipping, it was important to have both sides of the Verrazano Narrows in order to not split the transit taxes with New Jersey. Whatever.
http://8bitnyc.com/
It's going to come off as mild lunacy to complain about an 8-bit map of New York's accuracy, but come on. Staten Island is way closer to New Jersey than it is to Brooklyn. We all know that. It's so far away from Manhattan and Brooklyn, in fact, that no MTA train goes there (the SIR doesn't count, thanks so much). It's altogether plausible that the only reason Staten Island is a "borough" is because in the olden times of shipping, it was important to have both sides of the Verrazano Narrows in order to not split the transit taxes with New Jersey. Whatever.The Oscars, Unvisited
Posted in Celebrity
We're not going to get into a whole look back at last night's Oscars, and not just because they happened in godforsaken Los Angeles, either. Recaps of the Oscars are for people who didn't watch—and who therefore probably don't care that much—and people who want to be reminded of what they watched less than twenty-four hours ago, and that's ridiculous. However, we do like pictures, and while their investigative fund© hasn't really done anyone any good, the Huffington Post is always good for a semi-retarded FHM-esque graphicle like today's "PHOTOS: Oscars' Breast Dressed -- Who Wore Cleavage Best?" article. The short answer, sadly, is Hilary Swank and Katy Perry, given the choices (Christina Hendricks, who is yards more beautiful than either of the aforementioned ladies, wore her cleavage like a choker collar).
Besides the Huffington Post's questionable aversion to the em dash—which we ourselves rarely use around here—the Oscars are about classy Hollywood (supposedly, ideally) and while breasts and cleavage are phenomenal, the two women I couldn't keep my eyes off of at this year's Oscars were barely showing a single centimeter of chest: Carey Mulligan, who is the closest to a pixie the human race is ever going to get, and Rachel McAdams, who donates her time at hospitals for the blind to make up for causing so much retinal damage with her beauty. That's being said with due consideration to the mitigating fact that Mulligan is currently dating her Wall Street 2: Money Never Sleeps co-star, Shia "The Beef" LaBeouf. Maybe when he's not in front of one camera or another, he transforms into someone you'd want to date. Study results are still pending independent verification by the scientific firm of Vast, Wide, And Baseless Accusations, Ltd.
We're not going to get into a whole look back at last night's Oscars, and not just because they happened in godforsaken Los Angeles, either. Recaps of the Oscars are for people who didn't watch—and who therefore probably don't care that much—and people who want to be reminded of what they watched less than twenty-four hours ago, and that's ridiculous. However, we do like pictures, and while their investigative fund© hasn't really done anyone any good, the Huffington Post is always good for a semi-retarded FHM-esque graphicle like today's "PHOTOS: Oscars' Breast Dressed -- Who Wore Cleavage Best?" article. The short answer, sadly, is Hilary Swank and Katy Perry, given the choices (Christina Hendricks, who is yards more beautiful than either of the aforementioned ladies, wore her cleavage like a choker collar).The End Of The 24-Hour World
Posted in Apocalypse
After positing that the Chilean earthquake shortened one of our Earth days (not to be confused with Earth Day) 1.26 microseconds, one has to consider that other earthquakes probably even out the effects. There was an earthquake in Haiti, then a small earthquake off the coast of Japan; an earthquake in Chile, then another in Taiwan. Forget trying to do the math on whether we've split the rotational difference between all of those earthquakes, though, because it's the end of the world anyway.
Update: Richard Lawson over at Gawker was apparently thinking the same thing and offers this link to expert seismologists saying it's just a coincidence. That's exactly what they always say in apocalyptic movies after the government finds out we're all inextricably fucked to our gills.
The Oscars, Revisted: Demi Moore
Posted in Celebrity, Internal Dialogues, Uncategorized
Andrea: Does Demi Moore ever age? I think she's actually Dorian Gray.
Pat: Yeah, except instead of a painting, there's a bucket where her plastic surgeon stores the ugly things he removes.
Pat: Yeah, except instead of a painting, there's a bucket where her plastic surgeon stores the ugly things he removes.
Just in Case This is Real
Posted in The _____ Wars, Uncategorized
Gothamist is reporting that there's a Hummer limo—that in and of itself is worth reporting—sporting a "KILL THE POOR" slogan on the side. Here it is at the corner of Broadway and Fuck You Street:
I'm not sure what's more noteworthy: that the owner (or renter) of a Hummer limo would do something that dickish or that people are reporting this with surprise. On the off chance that this isn't some eco-stunt meant to raise awareness of the so-on and so-forth (activists love being meta), let's review a startling fact about the rich: in the US, were it to be them versus us, they'd be outnumbered 10-1, and poor people own more guns. You've heard of the South, right? I know, there's the military and the FBI and state troopers and local cops who will have to Stand On The Side Of Justice or something, but most of them are poor-to-middle-class folk too.
Anyway, it's a moot point. The rich would never really kill the poor—at least, not until robots take over the work force.
Beating Dead Kryptonian Horses
Posted in Television
Hey guys, I used to love Smallville—there, I said it—but it's gone from acceptably campy to the sort of hammy, unintended cartoonishness that epitomized Lois & Clark: The New Adventures Of Sacagawea. They must be doing something right, though, since the CW (haha!) has renewed the show for a tenth season. Jesus. The whole "Clark Kent will never fly on Smallville" idea was only tenable if the show tanked after four seasons, Mssrs. Gough and Millar. Don't you fuckers want to see that blue-and-red flying already? And I don't mean as a possessed Kal-El version of Clark. That was lame. And not a flying Bizarro, either.
Anyway. Smallville is a pretty good example of why you don't let lead actors become executive producers on their own shows. You let them direct. Have we learned nothing from the lessons of Star Trek?
Also, the girl from NBC's delayed-then-destroyed series Kings has signed on to a new show called Betwixt being developed for the CW, and you get bonus points if you guessed that it involves the supernatural. Futon Critic is reporting that Allison Miller—my sister would flip shit over those two L's in her first name—will be one of "three teenagers who discover their lineage has granted them special abilities which they use to fight evil." Hey, look it's based on a YA novel!
Eastern Cynic Fun Fact: I used to work at Barnes & Noble because it was preferable to being the only person in Park Slope with nothing to eat, so if the CW is picking up an adaptation of a book I've never seen in my life, 
you can be sure they're getting to the very bottom of that particular barrel.
Hey guys, I used to love Smallville—there, I said it—but it's gone from acceptably campy to the sort of hammy, unintended cartoonishness that epitomized Lois & Clark: The New Adventures Of Sacagawea. They must be doing something right, though, since the CW (haha!) has renewed the show for a tenth season. Jesus. The whole "Clark Kent will never fly on Smallville" idea was only tenable if the show tanked after four seasons, Mssrs. Gough and Millar. Don't you fuckers want to see that blue-and-red flying already? And I don't mean as a possessed Kal-El version of Clark. That was lame. And not a flying Bizarro, either.you can be sure they're getting to the very bottom of that particular barrel.