We're not going to get into a whole look back at last night's Oscars, and not just because they happened in godforsaken Los Angeles, either. Recaps of the Oscars are for people who didn't watch—and who therefore probably don't care that much—and people who want to be reminded of what they watched less than twenty-four hours ago, and that's ridiculous. However, we do like pictures, and while their investigative fund© hasn't really done anyone any good, the Huffington Post is always good for a semi-retarded FHM-esque graphicle like today's "PHOTOS: Oscars' Breast Dressed -- Who Wore Cleavage Best?" article. The short answer, sadly, is Hilary Swank and Katy Perry, given the choices (Christina Hendricks, who is yards more beautiful than either of the aforementioned ladies, wore her cleavage like a choker collar).

Besides the Huffington Post's questionable aversion to the em dash—which we ourselves rarely use around here—the Oscars are about classy Hollywood (supposedly, ideally) and while breasts and cleavage are phenomenal, the two women I couldn't keep my eyes off of at this year's Oscars were barely showing a single centimeter of chest: Carey Mulligan, who is the closest to a pixie the human race is ever going to get, and Rachel McAdams, who donates her time at hospitals for the blind to make up for causing so much retinal damage with her beauty. That's being said with due consideration to the mitigating fact that Mulligan is currently dating her Wall Street 2: Money Never Sleeps co-star, Shia "The Beef" LaBeouf. Maybe when he's not in front of one camera or another, he transforms into someone you'd want to date. Study results are still pending independent verification by the scientific firm of Vast, Wide, And Baseless Accusations, Ltd.