Just a second—I'm going to equate America not liking soccer (football!) to letting the Nazis take over most of a continent:
Yeah, the World Cup starts next month, and everyone—literally everyone—in the world gives as many shits as they possibly can. Just thinking about it has impregnating Cheryl Cole, who people in England have heard of. It's nice to have an MLS team in Philadelphia and (soon) a soccer-specific stadium for them to play (lose) in, but no one here really cares a whole hell of a lot, despite soccer being the most popular pre-college sport in the country. Well, this year, we at the Eastern Cynic are hoping for exactly two miracles: first, that the US national team will get into at least the final eight and preferably the final, and second, that the American people get excited enough to give a shit that lasts past July 11th.
In our wildest dreams, the final is between Japan and the United States, and after a rough first half, that ends with a vicious sliding tackle that puts Landon Donovan out of commission and forces referees to eject the offending player, a furious and emboldened US national team returns to the pitch with daemonic drive, and they score two goals before 50'' are up, causing the Japanese coach to stare into the fray from his skybox and say to himself, "I fear all we have done is to awaken a sleeping giant and fill him with a terrible resolve." Then Michael Caine and Sylvester Stallone escape from the stadium. Or something like that.
We fear, however, that all the national team will do is put a sleeping giant into a coma that won't lift until the next Super Bowl.
After positing that the Chilean earthquake shortened one of our Earth days (not to be confused with Earth Day) 1.26 microseconds, one has to consider that other earthquakes probably even out the effects. There was an earthquake in Haiti, then a small earthquake off the coast of Japan; an earthquake in Chile, then another in Taiwan. Forget trying to do the math on whether we've split the rotational difference between all of those earthquakes, though, because it's the end of the world anyway.
Update: Richard Lawson over at Gawker was apparently thinking the same thing and offers this link to expert seismologists saying it's just a coincidence. That's exactly what they always say in apocalyptic movies after the government finds out we're all inextricably fucked to our gills.